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Jack's Bizarre News of the World

Published whenever I get around to it....

Race for California governorship gets smuttier

A porn star is campaigning to join the race for the governorship of California. Mary Carey, 22, said her electoral platform would include taxing breast implants to generate revenue and hiring porn stars to help negotiate better electricity prices. The 5' 9" blonde has also pledged to make lap dances tax deductible. "My goal is to bring happiness to the streets of California," Carey said as she tried to gather the 65 signatures needed to put her name on the October 7 ballot. The adult movie star wants to create a 'Porno for Pistols' programme under which people would be urged to swap their guns for X-rated movies. "If more guys had orgasms, they'd be less violent," she said, adding that she would present herself as an independent candidate. She also has vowed to repeal state sales tax charges on brest augmentation surgery. Sporting a star-spangled bikini top, Tommy Hilfiger shorts and 4-inch-high platform sandals, she strutted her stuff in Los Angeles, stopping passers-by to sign her petition. She also has a novel solution to global warming: "Wear less clothes!" Carey joins potential candidates such as movie star and Republican activist Arnold Schwarzenegger and Hustler magazine publisher and Democrat Larry Flynt.

Woman makes Harley Davidson from butter

A woman from Iowa is making a model of a Harley-Davidson motorbike out of butter. Norma "Duffy" Lyon from Des Moines is creating a full-scale butter V-Rod to celebrate Harley-Davidson's 100th anniversary. The butter she is using is five years old, which is about the maximum age she likes to work with because the consistency changes. She began the Harley sculpture last week after finishing a life-sized butter model of a dairy cow. She's carved a life-sized dairy cow out of butter for the Iowa state fair for more than 40 years. Norma, 74, said: "I decided four years ago to celebrate Harley-Davidson's birthday. I've been waiting for it and here it is." She had to get permission from the company to create the sculpture and she works from several pictures of a V-Rod taken from different angles. The butter motorcycle is built on a frame, which is covered in butter. It is then moulded, shaped and carved until it's perfect. She reckons she'll use about 300lbs of unsalted butter in completing the sculpture, reports the Star Tribune.

Hawks grounded after Chihuahua attack

NEW YORK (Reuters) - The use of hawks to control the pigeon population at a park near New York's Times Square has been suspended after one of the birds attacked a Chihuahua, mistaking the miniature dog for a rat. Master falconer Thomas Cullen, who designed the Bryant Park hawk patrol, said a Harris hawk named Galan had made "an honest mistake" on Tuesday when he spotted some rustling in the shrubbery. "I believe the bird mistook it for a rodent and pounced on it," Cullen said on Thursday. The Chihuahua was taken to a local vet and treated for scratches and a minor puncture wound, said Joe Carella, a spokesman for Bryant Park Restoration, which manages the park one block east of bustling Times Square. Neither the dog nor the owner were particularly shaken up by the incident, Carella added. It was the first incident of its kind since the hawk patrol began in April, Cullen said. Parks Department officials suspended the program pending further review. Carella said the patrol, which uses a rotating crew of five hawks and costs about $6,000 (3,700 pounds) a month, had been a hit with parkgoers, helping to quell a deluge of pigeon droppings at the park -- a popular lunch spot. The pigeon population has been cut in half, said Carella, adding park officials have received a slew of emails in support of the programme since the incident. Cullen proposed changes to cut the chance of a similar incident. The falconer said he would remove Galan, who has caught several rodents during the patrols, from the rotation and take extra precautions with the other birds. "It seems like a silly little thing to do, but I would superglue little beads to the tip of the talons of the hawk so it can't hurt anything," he said.

Locusts plunge Mongolian town into darkness

SHANGHAI (Reuters) - A swarm of locusts has forced residents of an Inner Mongolia town into taking drastic measures to stop the insects from settling on surrounding pastures and grasslands, officials said. Residents of the Chinese border town of Erenhot are maintaining a blackout at night as electric lighting tends to attract the insects. The Yangcheng Evening News reported on Tuesday that the locusts -- which arrived in the region in June -- were "like snow falling from the sky". Crushed insects blanketed the roads of the remote town, the newspaper said, and the swarm had already engulfed more than 11 million hectares of Inner Mongolia's grasslands. "Locusts like well-lit places and people turned off their lights so the bugs won't fly into their homes," Zhang Zhuoran, section chief of Inner Mongolia Grassland Plant Protection Station, told Reuters on Wednesday. "The affected area is almost all grassland. The locusts have hit about 10 percent of Inner Mongolia's grassland but the situation is under control," he added.

Flynt sued over sex toys in dishwasher

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Hustler magazine publisher and would-be California governor Larry Flynt has been sued for sexual harassment by a former employee who claims she found sex toys in the company dishwasher. Elizabeth Rene Raymond, a former executive assistant to two top officers of Flynt's company, Larry Flynt Publications, sued for sexual harassment and wrongful dismissal from her job on Monday, the same day as Flynt announced he was running in California's October gubernatorial recall election under the slogan "a smut peddler who cares". Raymond, who was fired from her job a year ago, claims that Flynt fostered a hostile work environment. She said in the lawsuit she had found sex toys in the company dishwasher that were "used on the prostitutes who visited his office." Raymond was dismissed shortly after complaining to her supervisors. Flynt Publications did not immediately return calls for comment on the lawsuit. Flynt, 61, told a news conference on Monday he planned to run in the October ballot to unseat California Gov. Gray Davis (news - web sites), but would not spend millions campaigning if private polling showed that his background in pornography and gambling made him unacceptable to voters.

Naked rambler in Britain rebuffs arrest again

YORK, England (AFP) - A naked rambler who has been arrested eight times as he attempts to walk the length of Britain said he is determined to finish his trek following his latest brush with the law Steve Gough received a warning from police on Wednesday as he turned out to be the man spotted by a number of walkers in the Yorkshire Dales in northern England wearing only a sun hat and boots. But officers decided not to take any action against him. Gough, 44, set off from Land's End on the southwest tip of England in June, protesting at what he considers to be antiquated British attitudes towards nakedness. He only got as far as nearby Saint Ives when he was arrested for the first time while talking to a television crew. The charges were later dropped when prosecutors decided he had committed no offence. He was arrested several more times on his way to his ultimate destination -- John O'Groats at the northern tip of Scotland. "I'm determined to carry on. I've been stopped 10 times so far and arrested eight times but I'm still going," he said. "On the other two occasions they just gave me a bit of finger wagging and that was it." Gough had no complaints with the heatwave now sweeping Britain. "This is perfect walking weather," he said. "I put suncream on my shoulders, I've got a big rucksack on and I'm heading north so the sun's on my back. I just make sure I drink plenty of water."

Two-headed moose fetus shocks Native community, baffles biologists

A two-headed fetus was discovered earlier this month in a cow moose harvested near Clear Air Force Station -- alarming some Native elders and baffling biologists. A picture of it has been spreading through Alaska via e-mail over the past week. The foot-long moose-to-be had two heads and four legs emerging from the same small body, said Jim Simon, who oversees a traditional foods assessment program for the Tanana Chiefs Conference in Fairbanks. It has been frozen pending a detailed biological study that will include X-rays, a dissection and tissue testing. "We're going to try to explain it and do good science and get back to the community," Simon said. "As far as we know, the scientific literature has no reports of two-headed moose, so now we're trying to beat the bushes for tribal communities to see whether it's been reported in the North." A Nenana man shot the cow moose on Feb. 3 for the funeral potlatch of elder Hester Evan and discovered the fetus while field dressing the carcass, according to Jack Irwin, first chief of the Nenana Native Council. Though a fetus taken during a ceremonial winter hunt is traditionally salvaged with the cow, the man was shocked and initially tossed it away, Irwin said. After the hunter told him what happened, Irwin decided it ought to be tested for the presence of contaminants or other problems. "Of course, a genetic defect is a probability, but being that it was within a five-mile radius of Clear, it just became a matter of maybe we should look into it," he said. "So I went back out and found it, brought it in and photographed it. I passed it on to the fish and wildlife officer at (TCC)."

Unexpected guest at Singapore hotel gives police the slip

SINGAPORE (AFP) - An unexpected guest who turned up on a riverside step near Singapore's luxury Fullerton Hotel has given police the slip, they said. The one-meter-long (3.3-foot) crocodile was discovered lying on a step outside the Fullerton along the banks of the Singapore River before midnight Wednesday. Police were called to the scene but the croc managed to slip into the river before being caught, a spokesman said. Hotel employees had thought the creature was dead as it did not move and one worker suggested it should be handed to the cook, the afternoon tabloid The New Paper reported. But the reptile sprang into action when the police tried to catch it with rope and cloth, and dived into the river, disappearing beneath its murky waters. The crocodile could have escaped from a crocodile farm, been released by its owner or even have swum into Singapore from another country, the report said.

Dog is man's best friend after saving dying vagabond in Scotland

LONDON (AFP) - A vagabond who lay dying in a deserted Scottish farm has been saved by a sheepdog who found his plea for help in a message in a bottle. Vagabond Robert Sinclair, 55, had fallen ill while sleeping rough and had not eaten or drunk for a week when a Border Collie from a neighbouring farm came to his rescue, the dog's owner said Thursday. The 15-month-old sheepdog, named Ben, took the plastic water bottle to his master, Brian Besler, who in turn alerted police. "Ben found this bottle and came running up to me with it in his mouth," Besler said. "There was a message in it asking for help, it said Robert had been lying there for more than two weeks. He was ill, he couldn't breathe right, his chest was clogged up and he'd run out of food and water." "I thought it was a wind-up until I saw the name -- Robert's well-known round here as a bit of a recluse," Besler added. The cry for help had been scribbled on a piece of cardboard and inserted in to an old plastic water bottle before being found by Ben on Monday. Sinclair, who suffers from asthma, has lived wild in the Stirlingshire countryside for 27 years and lay at the deserted farm, near Falkirk, central Scotland, after an attack caused by his condition two weeks ago. Sinclair was discharged from hospital Thursday after making a full recovery. "This is exceptional, it's very unusual for someone to be found in this way -- a message in a bottle," local Inspector Alistair Tate said. "It was really a great stroke of luck for Robert Sinclair that the dog found his note and Mr Besler came looking or we would be looking at a very different outcome."

Woman goes on trial in Ohio for breast-feeding while driving

RAVENNA, Ohio (AP) - A woman pulled over for breast-feeding her baby while driving on the Ohio Turnpike was shown on videotape at her trial Wednesday refusing to co-operate with troopers until she called her husband for permission. Catherine Nicole Donkers, 29, also would not stand or speak as she defended herself in Portage County Municipal Court until her husband gave her permission from the first row of the audience. The first day ended with Donkers finishing her questioning of the trooper. The trial was expected to continue Thursday. Judge Donald Martell dismissed a request earlier Wednesday by Donkers' husband, Brad Lee Barnhill, to stand in for her at the trial. "I don't see why I'm not in there," Barnhill said during a break. "I directed her to do everything she did that day . . . Under our faith, she obeys me." Barnhill requested that he be prosecuted on several misdemeanour charges because his religious belief is that he is the only one who can punish his wife. Donkers cried as she watched the two-hour police cruiser video of Trooper Adam Doles following her for several kilometres with siren and lights going before she stopped at a toll booth.

Ship wrecked by 'trouser snag'

A pair of trousers catching on a lever in the wheelhouse of the RMS Mulheim allegedly caused her to run aground off the Cornish coast. The vessel was carrying 2,200 tonnes of scrap car plastic when she ran onto rocks near Land's End, on 22 March. Hundreds of tonnes of the cargo, which was destined for a landfill site in Germany, escaped into the sea after the vessel ran aground. The details of the incident are cited in a safety digest from the Marine Accident Investigation Branch (MAIB).

Dumb Crime Dept.

A MAN lay dead in his car while a parking inspector slapped a fine on his windscreen. A Stonnington Council officer fined a dead man $50 for parking in a clearway on Toorak Rd. A man in his 20s, identified only as "Robbie", was slumped in the front seat of his green Holden Gemini after dying of a suspected drug overdose on Wednesday morning. Witnesses yesterday branded the incident callous and low. But Stonnington Council said the officer had made an unfortunate mistake and offered its condolences to the man's family. Police began preparing a brief of evidence for the coroner as the man's grieving parents left flowers at the scene.

ANKARA (Reuters) - Turkish authorities are investigating 47 village leaders on charges they siphoned money from a toilet-building project to hire prostitutes, a Turkish newspaper reported on Friday. Dubbed "A Toilet for Every Village," the state-sponsored project provided cement, steel and other supplies to rural areas without proper sewers in poverty-stricken eastern Turkey. The village leaders allegedly sold the supplies and went to the Black Sea city of Trabzon where they spent the money on foreign prostitutes, the mainstream Hurriyet newspaper said. Authorities became suspicious when they discovered a spot market in cheap construction materials and found that 47 of the project's 66 villages still lacked toilets.

MANILA (Reuters) - A South Korean businessman incensed at nearly being hit by a taxi has ended up in the hands of Philippine police after he vented his anger by exposing himself. Police said on Wednesday the man was still shouting and cursing when he was brought to a station house in western Manila after a passing drug squad inspector arrested him. The man, who has been in the Philippines for about two months, faces "exhibitionism" charges.

FOND DU LAC, Wis. - A man accused of repeatedly ramming a car he thought belonged to his estranged wife has been charged with two counts of criminal damage to property. Armando Cortez, 34, was charged Monday in Fond du Lac County Court and released on a $1,000 cash bond. A criminal complaint said Cortez repeatedly rammed his van into the side of a Ford Escort, pushing it into a pick-up truck in the same driveway at a town of Friendship home Friday around 6:30 a.m. Witnesses say he hit the car 20 to 30 times until the Escort and the truck were pushed up against a tree and couldn't go any further about 47 feet. The man told officers he knew the car he was ramming belonged to his wife because he bought the car for her, but it turned out to be her neighbor's. Police said alcohol was likely a factor. He could face up to nine months in prison and $10,000 in fines.


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Action Figure

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